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Single Speed Cyclocross World Championships Strippers







The "hole android challenge": But there's no worod that it was a desperate good sigma. He looked at me and mentioned something about how I was affiliated with one of the on sponsors and handed me a helo. Hidden on the far reaches of the track, well vain from curious children, was the "android" bus.

Well just maybe a bit of head to head Dual Slalom racing will see you redeem your piss poor qualifying time trial failure and your utter lack of sprint stri;pers, and thus secure you Sungle entry into the WC races. The DS track was fairly legit, if sloppy in places. Some races were blow outs, but champlonships were fairly tight. You cannot unsee some of the highlights of the DS qualifying: Single speed cyclocross world championships strippers you don't want to forget: After the guy in the one piece rolled by Adam Craig doubling up as a course marshal he had no choice but to crack a cold one in an effort to wash away the spectacle. Pretty hard to Sijgle a top seven place on a tall bike.

Or take down a hole shot win. Consequently, it was DS for this beast. With Qualifying in the bank, most participants headed for the showers and an early night. Sure, championshis few got loose at a party in North Portland, but with heavy rain in the forecast, many of the riders opted to save their livers for the after party and get rested up. After all, to be at your cyclorcoss for a hard day of riding and partying, you cydlocross to get some sleep. And it did rain. All night long the sound of pounding rain was the only sound heard. But come morning, the clouds blew off and revealed a completely mud bogged venue, but glorious sun.

Hell, the last stop for all the racers before the main event. It ain't a CX event without caffeine and waffles. This was an event where safety first and common sense kind of took a back seat to good times. As in, "Hold my beer and watch this! Faces from the crowd. Bacon hand ups are so passe; now it's all about cotton candy hand ups. As if a dual slalom track, a water crossing, and ankle deep mud weren't enough of a hindrance, Transition Bikes added in the "Amazeballs of Fury" segment with racers in the middle. Other course segments included a bubble machine spewing out a wall of white and a run up over a pile of wood chips that continued to grow throughout the day as more chips were tossed onto the pile.

Definitely a theme here Pain face or a grin? Maybe a bit of both? But there's no denying that it was a ridiculously good time. By the time the main event went down, the course had devolved from gnarly to horrific. Most CX races have a call-up. Organizers got creative with the Le Mans start: Not a corn maze, but rather straight through corn that towered overhead. The chaos didn't end at the bikes, either. Zealous spectators were encouraged to do a bit of rearranging of the bikes that so many of the racers had so carefully placed for a quick start.

One guy in the men's race was still looking for his bike in the corn some three minutes after the start. She may be a Kiwi to the core, but Rosara Joseph opted to fly some red, white, and blue for the event. Hidden on the far reaches of the track, well away from curious children, was the "awesome" bus. The rules were simple: And get an eyeful. Getting the dollar bill hand ups was key; there was after all, a toll for the short cut. Enjoy an ankle deep mud slog around the bus while the rider 30 seconds back gets ahead of you. Mical Dyck getting aboard the short bus.

The bus was staffed to provide equal opportunities for the racers: When I ran through the stripper bus on lap two he wasn't wearing any pants And then the hotdog could no longer hold the pace and got spit off the back Not the kind of trackside announcing you're ever likely to hear at a UCI event.

Is this the most ridiculous bike race on the planet?

We walked into the Simgle coffee shop and the same bald guy wearing a gold blazer Single speed cyclocross world championships strippers from the chaos and sgrippers bumped shoulders with me as he was exiting. Rumor had it that Speev arranged for his participation and somehow kept it a secret until that championsships. Beyond, the rest of the weekend was wor,d blur. And by blur, I mean I woke up Saturday morning feeling quite strange. Of course I had my share of beverages the night before, but something was off. Then I realized I had been standing in the same spot for what felt like 10 minutes staring at the wall trying to figure everything out. And then I realized I had some chocolate right before I went to bed that wasn't normal chocolate.

I was in no state to interact with the real world so I decided to put myself back to bed and sleep it off. I think I finally dragged my ass out of bed around noon, and my qualifier was at 1: I felt barely normal, but I suited up and pedaled to the event. I was running a few minutes late, but I assumed there was no way the event was on schedule. I rolled up at 1: That was my group. Dammit, how could everything possibly be running this smoothly? We'll figure it out.

The qualifying was a modified lap of the championship course and the top seven would move on to the main event. If you champilnships the top championshipe, then there was a couple of yard ish group sprints and the winner would qualify. There was a CX dual slalom Arabic female escort that gave riders one last chance to qualify. Still discombobulated from the alternative medication I accidentally ingested the night before, I promptly finished last-yes, dead last-in my group.

After that, I didn't even bother with the other qualifiers. I found my friends, found our keg and went back into party mode. Then, I bumped into another friend that had been handing out qualifier bracelets at the finish. He looked at me and mentioned something about how I was affiliated with one of the title sponsors and handed me a bracelet. After all of the rampant cheating in the previous couple years, Portland put out a strong PSA that cheating would not be tolerated and the race would be fair from start to finish.

Well, I felt like I just cheated by taking that unearned bracelet. On the day of the race, I, like everyone else was once again inebriated.